there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
