I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
