I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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