I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
