So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
