That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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