I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
