I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
