Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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