good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
