it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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