Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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