I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize