we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
