I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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