shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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