not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
