i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
