Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
