Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
