O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
