When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
