I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
