3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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