Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
