Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
