You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
