Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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