Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
