Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
