No awkward lesbian experiences without me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I die, sorry about rent.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
