That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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