STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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