It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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