spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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