I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
