love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
