if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize