he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
