He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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