oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize