if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
