If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize