i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
