this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
