Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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