Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
