I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
