saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
