Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
