he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
