I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
