sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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