I just saw a hot homeless man
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you made out with another girl for some wings
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
