I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize