Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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