...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
