You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
