you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
