I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
