it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
