i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
