The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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