I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
